wow. today was a big day. a long day. an exhausting day that began at 1:30 in the morning. annie woke, i took her back down to bed. she woke again at 2:30, i took her back down to bed. at 3:30 i just stuffed her in bed with me and then i proceeded to not get any more sleep because the girl is the loudest breather/snorer/can't-breathe-so-i'm-gasping-for-air(er) ever. it was actually a relief when day broke, because i knew it was the day we would be visiting the ear, nose and throat specialist and maybe, finally, we would get some answers.
we arrived at the clinic at the U at 2:30. first was the hearing test. everything seemed to be going fine except when we'd get to the real low level (soft) sounds and then there were some issues...frankly i am not at all concerned with annie's hearing. the girl breathes so loudly through her mouth for crying out loud - that is just how she breathes on any given sunday - so it's not shocking to me that she can't hear someone whisper her name from 6 feet away. imagine how loud your breathing is in your own head if you were breathing through your mouth all the time. sheesh. her doctor agreed with me though (i should be an md) and said the hearing test wasn't really indicative of a big problem, but it's something to watch. she also has some fluid in her ears which could be a contributing factor, and also another reason to watch the hearing...and that's only the beginning. we then go back in to the waiting room and wait and then at last, we get in to see the doctor. first, nurse. she does her thing and says next we'll be seeing the surgical resident. damn teaching hospitals. one note on that whole thing by the way - everyone is a student and they are all younger than me. it's so weird. doctors all used to be so OLD...then you get to be of a "certain" age and now - suddenly - you're the old one. ick. i digress. so dr. surgical resident comes in and checks annie's ears (she's doing awesome with all this waiting around, by the way. i couldn't believe how well behaved she was - she must have known we were finally going to get her some help). dr. surgical resident then tries to get a look inside annie's mouth to check the tonsils but instead of being cooperative, she starts spitting raspberries at him. i thought it was hysterical and cute - and i think he did, too - but i was trying to be a good, assertive parent and help things move along. he got a real quick peek and said "they're huge". yes, that's the formal medical diagnosis for annie's tonsils: huge. more waiting, more waiting and finally the doc comes in. suddenly we're smack dab in the middle of an episode of "Grey's Anatomy" - the dr. surgical resident is all "...patient presents with a blah-blah-blah-big-medical-word-blah-blah, etc..." and dr. rimmell is all "...and how would you proceed?" and it was all very life-imitating-art at that moment and i got a little kick out of it.
and then the other shoe dropped. dr. rimmell says "normally i would proceed by issuing a course of medication for a week or two to see how she reacts to that, but i think the end result is going to be the same no matter what so i think we just go ahead and schedule surgery now..."
i'm sorry, what? surgery?! i mean, i figured that would be the end result - you know - after a couple months of medicine, sleep clinic trials, etc...i didn't think it would be surgery right now, right this minute. i was so ill-prepared for this. i didn't have my mom with me, i didn't (obviously) have addison with me, and suddenly i was being asked to make decisions about whether to remove some adenoids and tonsils or just shave them, whether to do ear tubes or not, whether to have a nervous breakdown in front of the doctor or not. man. i did hold it together though. i almost (almost) started crying, but i didn't. it's just really scary and heartbreaking to think about having to put your baby through all this. i know, though, that she will feel so much better once it's done. it's just that suddenly the doctors are throwing things at you like "complications of the blah blah could be bleeding in which case we would need to see her back right away" (as in - otherwise she could die); or "there is a 1 in 80,000 chance of mortality..." what?! mortality?! you're talking to me about my 2 year old baby and you would even MENTION the word mortality? do you you KNOW how close to losing it i am, mr.? i mean, dr.?! honestly.
and then suddenly we are sitting in the room with a "patient coordinator" - whose job it is to prepare (read: terrify) you about what it's like to watch your child go to sleep via anesthesia. it's insane. and then she's handing annie a doctor's kit that has all these surgical gloves, hats, bandaids, gauze, anesthesia mask, ekg pads, etc. in it so that she can familiarize herself with everything she'll be seeing the day of surgery. and then there are the 700 pamphlets and papers about procedures and physicals and risks and parking and pre-op and post-op and it's all quite overwhelming when you were just expecting to show up for an appointment where the doctor says "here's a prescription for some flonase - now be gone with you". instead - 2 hours later you are about to send your baby girl - your innocent, sweet, funny, perfect little baby girl under the knife - entrusted to the hands of a doctor you have only known for 5 minutes but have to trust that he is one of the best there is at what he does. it's really scary. i'm completely scared out of my mind, but i know that no matter what, i have to not ever show that to annie. i have to somehow be the strong one for her. she's going to be even more terrified, i'm sure of it.
so there you have it. the long and short of it is that we're going to go the route of shaving down the adenoids and tonsils (less risky) and then putting in the ear tubes as well so we don't have to do it later since it is a big hereditary thing and addison had them and we might as well just nip it all in the bud right now...
we arrived at the clinic at the U at 2:30. first was the hearing test. everything seemed to be going fine except when we'd get to the real low level (soft) sounds and then there were some issues...frankly i am not at all concerned with annie's hearing. the girl breathes so loudly through her mouth for crying out loud - that is just how she breathes on any given sunday - so it's not shocking to me that she can't hear someone whisper her name from 6 feet away. imagine how loud your breathing is in your own head if you were breathing through your mouth all the time. sheesh. her doctor agreed with me though (i should be an md) and said the hearing test wasn't really indicative of a big problem, but it's something to watch. she also has some fluid in her ears which could be a contributing factor, and also another reason to watch the hearing...and that's only the beginning. we then go back in to the waiting room and wait and then at last, we get in to see the doctor. first, nurse. she does her thing and says next we'll be seeing the surgical resident. damn teaching hospitals. one note on that whole thing by the way - everyone is a student and they are all younger than me. it's so weird. doctors all used to be so OLD...then you get to be of a "certain" age and now - suddenly - you're the old one. ick. i digress. so dr. surgical resident comes in and checks annie's ears (she's doing awesome with all this waiting around, by the way. i couldn't believe how well behaved she was - she must have known we were finally going to get her some help). dr. surgical resident then tries to get a look inside annie's mouth to check the tonsils but instead of being cooperative, she starts spitting raspberries at him. i thought it was hysterical and cute - and i think he did, too - but i was trying to be a good, assertive parent and help things move along. he got a real quick peek and said "they're huge". yes, that's the formal medical diagnosis for annie's tonsils: huge. more waiting, more waiting and finally the doc comes in. suddenly we're smack dab in the middle of an episode of "Grey's Anatomy" - the dr. surgical resident is all "...patient presents with a blah-blah-blah-big-medical-word-blah-blah, etc..." and dr. rimmell is all "...and how would you proceed?" and it was all very life-imitating-art at that moment and i got a little kick out of it.
and then the other shoe dropped. dr. rimmell says "normally i would proceed by issuing a course of medication for a week or two to see how she reacts to that, but i think the end result is going to be the same no matter what so i think we just go ahead and schedule surgery now..."
i'm sorry, what? surgery?! i mean, i figured that would be the end result - you know - after a couple months of medicine, sleep clinic trials, etc...i didn't think it would be surgery right now, right this minute. i was so ill-prepared for this. i didn't have my mom with me, i didn't (obviously) have addison with me, and suddenly i was being asked to make decisions about whether to remove some adenoids and tonsils or just shave them, whether to do ear tubes or not, whether to have a nervous breakdown in front of the doctor or not. man. i did hold it together though. i almost (almost) started crying, but i didn't. it's just really scary and heartbreaking to think about having to put your baby through all this. i know, though, that she will feel so much better once it's done. it's just that suddenly the doctors are throwing things at you like "complications of the blah blah could be bleeding in which case we would need to see her back right away" (as in - otherwise she could die); or "there is a 1 in 80,000 chance of mortality..." what?! mortality?! you're talking to me about my 2 year old baby and you would even MENTION the word mortality? do you you KNOW how close to losing it i am, mr.? i mean, dr.?! honestly.
and then suddenly we are sitting in the room with a "patient coordinator" - whose job it is to prepare (read: terrify) you about what it's like to watch your child go to sleep via anesthesia. it's insane. and then she's handing annie a doctor's kit that has all these surgical gloves, hats, bandaids, gauze, anesthesia mask, ekg pads, etc. in it so that she can familiarize herself with everything she'll be seeing the day of surgery. and then there are the 700 pamphlets and papers about procedures and physicals and risks and parking and pre-op and post-op and it's all quite overwhelming when you were just expecting to show up for an appointment where the doctor says "here's a prescription for some flonase - now be gone with you". instead - 2 hours later you are about to send your baby girl - your innocent, sweet, funny, perfect little baby girl under the knife - entrusted to the hands of a doctor you have only known for 5 minutes but have to trust that he is one of the best there is at what he does. it's really scary. i'm completely scared out of my mind, but i know that no matter what, i have to not ever show that to annie. i have to somehow be the strong one for her. she's going to be even more terrified, i'm sure of it.
so there you have it. the long and short of it is that we're going to go the route of shaving down the adenoids and tonsils (less risky) and then putting in the ear tubes as well so we don't have to do it later since it is a big hereditary thing and addison had them and we might as well just nip it all in the bud right now...
the drama of the day. it was intense and long. even annie thought so. she fell asleep in the car at about 5:00 and it's now 11pm and she's still o-u-t...bless her little heart. hopefully these are the last nights of her having breathing problems. i sure hope so.
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