It's State Policy, Ma'am - Parts 2, 3 and 4

it's been a week now and i think i'm finally ok writing about it. my last trip to the dps, that is. you'll recall in the last episode what happened when i tried to go get a texas driver's license...well, the saga continues...

[deep breath]

so. my folks were here last week and i thought, hey, what a great time for you to go get your driver's license. you don't have to worry about toting jasper with you, you can go first thing in the morning when they open and be in and out no problem! you're a'thinkin' gina! i checked on line the night before and saw that they opened at 8am so i made a point to put all the papers i needed into my car that night: registration, insurance policy, done.

i woke up and actually GOT READY so that i didn't look homeless in my driver's license picture - quite a feat for me these days. i jumped in the car at 7:45 and drove over to the dps which, fortunately, is only about a 7 minute drive from my house. there was a line of people at the door already when i got there, i'd say about 30 people deep. once they opened the doors it moved fairly quickly. the deal is, you have to stop at a "check-in" desk first, before you are directed to either get in one of two lines or to have a seat in the waiting area until your number is called. it's fairly efficient as far as that goes..but it is annoying. it weeds out all of us people who don't have the appropriate forms, you see. i had the damndest time getting past that check-in desk.

8:10am - i am at the check in. i present my forms to a cranky-looking - but nice - man in a security/police-type uniform. with a gun. he looks over my insurance and my car registration and says "we need one more form of id" to which i say "why? i have right here my insurance and my car registration and the last time i was here i was told that is all i would need". i was ready to throw down already. the man, patiently, said "yes, ma'am, but your name is not on this car registration, so i need another form of id like a marriage certificate or school transcripts or something." i, though flattered that he thinks i look young enough to be a student, am nothing less than annoyed, because i felt that should have been made clear the first time. "ok," i say, "if i go home and get my marriage certificate, are you saying then i will be able to get my driver's license?"

"yes ma'am."

"you're sure?"

"yes ma'am."

i gather all of my papers and walk away in a bit of a huff. i am amazed at how much of a joke this is. all i want to do is transfer my dang license from one state to another and you would think i'm asking to bring arms into another country, for crying out loud.

however, i will not be deterred. i have a babysitter, it is a beautiful day, and i'm only 7 minutes from home. i can be back in 15 minutes and it still won't be crazy busy. so, i go home and my mom says "that was fast", to which i chuckle and say "if only. you won't believe what happened..." and i proceed to fill her in on the details while i'm searching boxes in the attic for my marriage certificate. at last, i find it and i say "ok i'm outta here" as i leave the house - triple-checking to make sure i have allllll the papers i need.

8:40am - i am in line for the check-in desk again. this time, when it's my turn, i am faced not with cranky-but-nice-man-with-a-gun, but with middle-aged-cranky-over-her-job-woman-who-has-no-time-for-anyone. i always try to start very chipper and nice and happy. i say "ok, i think i should have everything now. hahahaha." and she takes all my papers and studies them for a minute and says "where is the registration for the dodge truck?"

i know, you're thinking what i'm thinking. she's got to be (*#&$(#*ing kidding, right? no one, anywhere, ever said anything about the (#*$& registration for the (#$^(@* truck - a car i don't even DRIVE. i drive the saab. here. is. the. registration. RIGHT HERE. and here is the insurance. RIGHT HERE YOU BASTARD WOMAN!

so i say, "when i was here 15 minutes ago, the man i spoke to said that i could use my marriage certificate because i didn't have that other registration. he said i could bring my marriage certificate and HE SAID THAT IS ALL I WOULD NEED. he swore." and she said, "i don't know what man you're talking about." and i can't even believe she has the balls to say that. seriously?! now you're just being wicked for the sake of being wicked.

"the man. the one who was standing right next to you? he's wearing a uniform? he told me i would have everything i needed if i went home to get my marriage certificate. so i did. and now you are telling me that's not sufficient? you guys need to get on the same page."

"i'm sorry, ma'am but your your name is on the insurance and both the dodge and the saab are listed on the insurance so we need to see both registrations to see if your name appears. he must have not seen both cars on the insurance."

and i said, "but they are in my husband's name. i do not own these cars. he does. i don't understand why you need to see the registration for a car i don't drive."

and she said, "because it's state policy ma'am."

this is the point in time where my brain wanders and thinks about all those people who go into the post office or the dps or city hall with guns and end up shooting people. because how many times can someone send you away and say "because it's state policy" before you actually lose your mind? i mean, i am a person of sound mind and I was starting to feel like this was some horrible cosmic unfunny joke.

i say "can you just explain to me why i even have to show you a car registration? i don't understand. do you have to own a car in order to get a driver's license? does everyone that comes in here own a car?"

"no ma'am, but..."

"ok then that just doesn't make any sense," i say, becoming very agitated and aware that people are watching me melt down before their eyes. the woman then takes my insurance and registration and says "you're going to need to sit in the waiting area while i go check on something" and she leaves and i'm sure i'm about to be arrested or something. i sit down and i'm nearly shaking i am so annoyed and my eyes start welling up with tears because the level of frustration is immeasurable. it's baffling to me that i still haven't gotten my license. and that no one in this godforsaken place is saying the same thing as anyone else.

she comes back 5 minutes later and says "we ran your registration for the dodge and your name is listed as a co-owner, so we are going to have to see that registration as well." i grabbed my papers without saying a word and left the building. and then the waterworks came. i was so mad, so annoyed, so inconvenienced, so confused that i just started bawling in the dps parking lot. i called addison and was like, "you're never going to guess what?" and he was like, "you're kidding me" and i was like, "i'm not, but i KNOW!" and i vented and we both complained about the dps for 5 minutes and then i felt better.

this time when i walked in the door i said "guess what?" my mom said, tentatively, "what?" and i was still kind of doing that laugh-cry thing and i said, "NOW i need to have the truck registration." she was baffled too, at the absurdity of it all. now my problem is, the truck registration is in the truck. which is at work with addison. which is 40 minutes away from me. luckily, my husband is a good, caring man, so he scanned his registration in to the computer and emailed it to me. i printed it out and hoped and prayed that they wouldn't give me hell about this not being the original copy, etc. i went into the bathroom and tried to help my red, puffy eyes, but realized they were beyond repair for this early in the morning, so i put on some lip gloss instead.

9:25am - i arrive back at the dps for the THIRD TIME that day. my cranky-but-nice man is back at the counter and i feel like snapping my fingers at the cranky lady and saying "this man. this one. remember?" but i don't. instead, i get up to the counter and the man - obviously - remembers me and i put on my best attempt at a smile, spread alllll my papers on the counter and say "please tell me everything is here". he looks at it all and says "ok, you have everything. i'm sorry about earlier. you can step in the line to the right."

what?! he's sorry?! wow. a dps employee actually admitted - more or less - that what i just went through was ridiculous. i couldn't believe it. i sighed, and got into the line to the right where i was the next person. after 2 minutes of standing there while loretta counted her drawer, i finally got up there and 5 minutes later i had my license.

i'm sure it's going to be a beautiful photo.